Above original 3D GIF created in Cinema 4D by Thoth
When was the last time I was truly excited about something. The loss of Lisboa has really undermined me. It was the last stronghold of free public performance.
Having nothing come from having a film about me win an Academy Award is one thing. Losing the freedom to fully express myself is another.
I am yearning to do walkabouts again. New costume. New tactics.
No matter how much a producer or friend seems to want to help, I am always burdened with a dependency that bothers me. WIthout them can I prayform? Right now, no!
Much of the world sees me as a beggar and a crazy person. They have no reason for this perspective, really. Ignorant, they’re taking cues from peers, celebrities and politicians.
An important experience – a kind of catharsis happens when I am prayforming in the most honest and all-consuming way. This will be lost, too, if we gain more acceptance as a theater performance. “Anya” will disappear.
For the last performance at Martha’s Vineyard, Sarah tried to convince me to dispense with “Anya.” “You don’t need to do that anymore.” We didn’t do it and something in me hurt.
My state of mind is in a permanent state of confusion right now.