We are failures. This is difficult and painful for me to admit, but it is true. Yet, in spite of this, we continue. We are stubborn. In our place, most of you would stop and do something else – perform Beyoncé or Rhianna or Kanyé covers or be a DJ or get a job in some computer firm or something like that.
Instead, we continue to perform our music in spite of its inability to interest you.
Many of our friends and fans are no longer friends and fans, some are even enemies. They’re tired of us, of our art, of our failure.
Every day we have to watch a woman who used to embrace us with comments like: “You two are angels!”; “I love your music! It is so beautiful!”; avoid us by walking on the other side of the street, without even saying hello. What happened? This kind of behavior doesn’t happen only here in Portugal. It happens everywhere – Amsterdam, NYC, San Diego, San Francisco . . . What did we do to you that has caused you who once loved us to hate us, to be so angry, so disrespectful, so dismissive of us? I think it is because we are failures. Nobody wants to be associated with failures.

12 thoughts on “Failures

  1. Sarah

    You are everything. You are failures and you are geniuses. Yes, you probably are failing to fit into this very sick and broken world. You are still needed you are still loved. In spite of the freezing world outside, I hope that you keep finding ways to fuel your inner fire.
    If you’re feeling stuck maybe it’s time for some sort of change. Wish I could give you both a big hug, a bowl of soup and a million dollars.

  2. smidbeach

    Thoth, you and Lila are not failures — you are an inspiration to anyone who takes the time to observe you. More importantly, you venture where most people don’t go. Maybe you didn’t succeed this week or this month in a specific goal, but it happens to everyone. Perhaps that woman hasn’t time to stop , or is uncomfortable stopping because she can’t donate every time she passes by. And not everyone will sit through an entire set more than once, no matter how talented the musician. Step back and look at your problem from a clinical perspective. Ask friends where you are for feedback on what you might do differently. When you don’t succeed, pivot, seek advice, analyze options, and adjust your course. Peace.

  3. Scott (Sky Bear) Williams

    I’m not sure what spawned this mindset that got you to write this, and I wish I lived closer so I could come be inspired by your amazing freakishness, but Montana is so far away, it’s a road trip just to see mom and the grandkids, which I just finished a week of. And now I gotta drive across the state in another direction just to do my job which is play music for a living, but music everybody knows. If I tried to do what you’re doing, I would be pennyless in Montana. And as Bill Hicks said so well, “If you think you’re so free, try traveling without any money.” So I find ways to amuse myself whilst still pleasing the sleeping masses musically. It can be done, but it’s also hard work. And it also goes unnoticed by all but a few musicians in the room. As you get older and more tired of the bullshit, it’s just a bit harder for your body to cooperate with the schedule you’ve committed to, and one starts to realize how futile most of these honest efforts are. But trust me, Brother. If you know in your heart of hearts who and what you are, everybody can fuck the fuck off. Because doing anything else is not who we are. For better or for worse. And I will die with guitar picks in my pocket and the mortician will be instructed not to try to wipe the smile off my fuckin face.

  4. David Kolataze

    Well, if you truly are a failure, you’re in pretty good company. Van Gogh, Kafka, Poe, Thoreau …and the list goes on and on.

    Happy Birthday to an extraordinary being. Looking forward to seeing you and Lila
    in Central Park.

  5. Dan R

    Your ruminations on “failure” put me in mind of these oft-quoted lines by Samuel Beckett:
    “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

  6. vouschka

    Anyone is a failure if we just take the time to mesure our ideal , the feeling of what is perfection and our reality. everyone on the way of Art and Emotions is this double feeling to do the best today, and tomorrow we realize that we did nothing exceptional – But we only live for perfection… That is what we fell in all our body: this extraordinary vibration of heart and spirit …. What is the Human have for the best in the power of the creativity.

    If you talk about failure or success in the society, you are wrong: don ‘t take care about people and what they think about, we have to live out of this idea , out of the world , as aesthetes and monks, this is the way of absolute creation… We need to eat too …. but we only have enough for this and for travelling and crossing the time of our short life… I understand: we always need to be recognized in our art : but you are, we don t forget this huge emotion when we meet you randomly from one street.

    I would like to ask you your mail if possible- for a proposal / idea …. if you would like to come in Paris … and i have a video to send you if you want
    Best regards

  7. Bill

    You are not failures; if I had ever thought you and Lila were failures, I’d have walked the other way. As for those who avoid you when they once loved you, I can only speak for myself. I can only speak to the knife-sharp pain of feeling rejected by people I would have gladly jumped on a hand grenade to protect. You are not the only person out there with deep emotion, my friend.

  8. Bill

    Of course, I might throw you on the grenade first and then jump on your back, pretending that I’m the big hero. JUST KIDDING, MAN! I hope you’re bleating out that madman’s laugh right now that I remember hearing from you.

    Thoth, if you remember the tears that were streaming from my eyes the last time I saw the both of you, you’ll realize this is no trick.

  9. Peter T Hooper

    I do not think anyone following their calling (or bliss) is a failure, no matter what external yardstick is applied to “measure” their success.

    There’s this, too, to be said in the heart (perhaps), if not in words to even the most pointedly scornful: “That you react in any way at all means that you are responding, even if you think you are not, even if you think all you are doing is hating and disdaining. That which moves us to respond can only be that which reaches us, no matter how we choose to color the experience. Indifference unfolds when around those things that don’t matter, and indifference says or does nothing, only moves on.”

  10. Bill

    Like the late, great professor and humanitarian, Leo Buscaglia, said, the opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy.


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